Big Fat Asses Vs. Standard Aircraft Seating

Ok, so now that I am back in full BLOG I figure I'll start the year off with a bang sure to infuriate many people.

This Christmas for the first time in 11 years I got to go home for the holidays. I was ecstatic to say the least. Well, for those of you whom haven't traveled much during the holidays I'll let you know that the blood sucking airlines practically double air fare.

Since I couldn’t afford anything better I took the crappiest flights on the crappiest routes to save money. That said it took a red eye and about eight million connections to get from Seattle, WA to Indianapolis, IN. I had plenty of opportunity to do a little observing. First thing I noticed was the fact that first class should be re-named FAT class. Of all the people in all the planes I was on there couldn't have been a half dozen people less than 225lbs. sitting in first class. Now before Americas rich and famous fat start to get there large undergarments in a bunch I will tell you that I am not here to pick on the FAT class passengers. They did the right thing and bought tickets for seats large enough to house their enormous derrieres.

Those that I am here to talk about are the passengers who chose to make every single person around them miserable. For example, on one leg of my trip I sat next to a gentleman who could have easily played offensive line for the Indianapolis Colts, and I don’t mean one position on the line I mean the whole damn thing. Seriously, this guy sat down and his “love handles” oozed out from under the arm rest and his second set of man boobs oozed over the top. Now not to sound cold and calloused about the mans situation, I acknowledge it could be his total lack of self respect and gluttonous lifestyle“glandular”.

On the next leg of the trip I sat across the aisle from a woman that looked like she could easily eat me in a single sitting. She was 5’2” tall if she was lucky and every bit of that in diameter.

What the hell are these people thinking??!!?? What gives them the right to make everyone around them uncomfortable? I should have gotten a discount for giving up half of my seat to the fat guy’s man tits. Don’t get me wrong I am not trying to single out America’s athletically challenged, but simply trying to point out the fact that these people should have the common decency to either fly first fat class or purchase two adjoining seats. I mean honestly when you have to ask for seat belt extension that should demonstrate to you that you are too much person for one seat.

The airlines are at fault as well. In the greed they'd rather have a large person fly in one seat than lose them to the expense of paying for two seats. Maybe the airlines should consider charging a 150% fare instead of 100% for each of the two seats. Something needs to be done.

So now that some of you are boiling mad at how insensitive to our athletically challenged I am being you need to know a thing or two about me. For those of you who don't know me or have never seen me, I am not a small person. God blessed me with all of 5'5" of height, but has challenged me to stay under 200lbs. According to the Air Force my ideal weight is 142lbs. Yeah, right, in my left nut...

Seriously 142lbs, maybe if I were a woman. I tend to hover around 175-180 lbs. This is just one of the reasons I am running now. I'd like to get down to about 165 but 140 is not going to happen. Now, I am by no means obese, and my girlfriend will tell you that I am dead sexy (bless her heart) but I know a little about what it feels like to be pudgy, chubby, thick, pleasantly plump, big boned, or under tall whatever you’d like to call it in our PC world. I know what it is like and I know that if I ever let myself go to the point that my seatbelt needed a seatbelt (extension) just to get around my mountain of a waist, I would certainly have the decency to purchase the extra seat, fly fat class or drive cross country.

Now, for my family members who are pleasantly plump and my friends who are a little chubby, I say, be not offended for I am not judging you. I am simply saying to those people in the world who are larger than life and need to fly you need to consider the other people who are going to fly on the same plane with you.

So how do we fix this you ask? I’d love to say that we educate our youth to exercise and eat right and take the US off the top of the list of Fat nations, but the truth is it isn’t that easy. So in the interest of fairness the Airlines should build a doorway that you must pass through when you check in (much like the box used to check the size of your carry on baggage). Make the doorway only as wide as the seats on the plane. If you require lubricant or a push from the person behind you to get through the door, you should have to buy a second ticket or fly first class.

Ok, hit me…

lagleRock Out!

Posted by SlagleRock at January 1, 2006 08:20 PM | TrackBack