« July 2005 | Main | September 2005 »

August 18, 2005

Light A Candle

Mrs. Donovan was walking down O'Connell Street in Dublin when she met up with Father Rafferty. The Father said, "Top o' the morning' to ye! Aren't ye Mrs. Donovan and didn't I marry ye and yer husband two years ago?" She replied, "Aye, that ye did, Father." The Father asked, "And be there any wee ones yet?" She replied, "No, Not yet Father." The Father said, "Well now, I'm going to Rome next week and I'll light a candle for ye and yer husband." She replied, "Oh, thank ye Father." They parted ways and some years later they met again. The Father asked, "Well now Mrs Donovan, how are ye these days?" She replied, "Oh, very well Father." The Father asked, "And tell me, have ye any wee ones yet?" She replied, "Oh yes Father, three sets of twins and four singles, 10 in all." The Father said, "Glory be! That's wonderful! How is ye loving husband doing?" She replied, "He's gone to Rome to blow out yer fookin' candle."

This one was sent to me by a friend in Germany. Thanks Scott

lagleRock Out!

Posted by SlagleRock at 09:40 AM | Comments (1) | TrackBack

August 03, 2005

Ever Wonder Why Smart Men Join The Air Force...

Ask any Soldier, Sailor or Marine and they will all agree the Air Force has the best looking women.

It's no wonder retired Grunts, Soldiers and Sailors encourage their sons to join the AF instead of the service they served in.

Thanks go out to my good friend Brian for the picture.

lagleRock Out!

Posted by SlagleRock at 12:48 PM | Comments (11) | TrackBack

August 02, 2005

The Bitch Is Back...

...Jane Fonda's second coming Cal Thomas July 28, 2005

We've all seen them: aging athletes, beyond their prime, trying to squeeze out one more fight, or one more season, but failing to bring back their glory days.

That seems an appropriate analogy for the return of Jane Fonda to the political stage. Having made her first movie in many years ("Monster-in-Law") that was a box office success, Fonda apparently thinks her new visibility gives her a certain credibility to comment on the Iraq war.

She has announced plans for an anti-war bus tour next March. Why is she waiting so long? The war might be over by then. The bus will run on vegetable oil. How 1960s! Will the riders grow their hair long, smoke pot, dress in tie-dyed T-shirts and sing "Blowin' in the Wind"? Fonda says she will be joined by her daughter and some families of Iraq War veterans. She says veterans came up to her during her book tour, encouraging her to protest the war.

In her memoir, "My Life So Far," and on numerous interview shows, Fonda has repeatedly apologized for going to North Vietnam in 1972 where she sat on an anti-aircraft gun and said things critical of her country that encouraged the enemy to fight on.

The North Vietnamese used her comments as propaganda in an effort to demoralize American troops and diminish the resolve of prisoners of war. Just what does she think will be the result of her forthcoming bus tour if not to encourage the terrorists and insurgents now fighting Americans and Iraqis in Iraq?

With high privilege also goes increased responsibility. If youthful indiscretion is an excuse she has used to explain her anti-war activities more than 30 years ago, what explanation will she have in her now mature years - temporary insanity?

"I have not taken a stand on any war since Vietnam," Fonda was quoted as saying. "I carry a lot of baggage from that." She certainly does, which makes it all the more perplexing why she is intent on adding even more baggage. It's peculiar that Fonda only protests what Americans do to resist evil, but she led no protests against Saddam Hussein's murderous regime that practiced evil. Why is that?

Jane Fonda might be described as one who is "always learning, but never able to acknowledge the truth," as the Bible she once read and claimed to believe says about people of shifting convictions and allegiances (see 2 Timothy 3:7). Except that she does not learn, much less arrive at any truth.

When Fonda announced she had been born again by accepting Christ as her savior, I investigated and concluded she was genuinely serious about her new faith. I wrote a column urging people not to judge or condemn her. Sadly, I must now write that by her own words, Jane Fonda has moved away from that initial faith into a universalism in which she says there are many ways to God and Jesus is not the only path. She has denied the essence of Christianity. One cannot truly be called a Christian unless one believes the uniqueness of the life, atoning death and resurrection of Christ.

When Jane Fonda protested the Vietnam War there were just three television networks and few media outlets for those who opposed her actions. We are now in a new media environment. While the major networks may practice their usual celebrity suck-up, cable television and talk radio are not about to give her a free pass. Look for Vietnam veterans still angry at "Hanoi Jane" to turn out along the bus route to protest her protest, then and now. It could get ugly.

[ Bugler! Sound 'assemble'!! -JB]

Jane Fonda has every right to freedom of speech, but so do those who believe she caused enough harm in the Vietnam War that they will not allow her to escape accountability or undermine America's efforts in this one. America survived its pullout from Vietnam. It cannot survive a similar outcome in this war. That's the big difference that Jane Fonda doesn't understand.

©2005 Tribune Media Services

As if this BITCH hasn't done enough in her lifetime to demoralize the troops and stand against all things American she needs to do it again as part of her mid life crisis?

lagleRock Out!

Posted by SlagleRock at 12:18 PM | Comments (4) | TrackBack

Simple Funeral For Saudi Arabian King Fahd

Simple funeral for King Fahd

RIYADH, Saudi Arabia -- Muslim leaders and Saudi princes have bid a final farewell to King Fahd before his body was buried in an unmarked grave in a desert cemetery in keeping with Saudi Arabia's austere Islamic tradition.

The private ceremony in Riyadh Tuesday took place after prayers at the Imam Turki bin Abdullah mosque where Fahd's body, draped in a brown robe, was carried by his sons on a wooden plank.

Mourners carried bright umbrellas to shield them from the sun at the al-Oud cemetery where small uninscribed stones mark the graves.

Fahd's body had been driven in an ambulance from the mosque where a crowd of thousands, including his successor, King Abdullah, paid their respects.

The mourners stood, raising their arms and chanting "Allahu akbar," or "God is great" during a two-minute prayer.

Security was tight in the capital for the ceremonies, with large crowds of ordinary Saudis participating alongside monarchs, presidents and other dignitaries from the Arab world and other Islamic nations.

Western leaders and dignitaries, including Britain's Prince Charles, French President Jacques Chirac and Australia's governor general were also offering condolences.

U.S. President George W. Bush, who has promised a "close partnership" with Saudi Arabia under Abdullah's leadership, sent a delegation. The leaders of Syria, Pakistan and other Muslim states also attended.

Saudi flags, emblazoned with "There is no God but Allah", were not lowered as this is deemed blasphemous.

After Fahd's death on Monday, Crown Prince Abdullah, the kingdom's de facto ruler for several years, became king.

Saudi officials say Abdullah, who has run day-to-day affairs since Fahd suffered a stroke in 1995, would maintain the Gulf state's oil policy and close alliance with the West.

King Fahd's exact age is unknown, but he was believed to be between 82 and 84.Fahd was the fifth ruler of the nation founded in 1932 by his father, Abdul Aziz Ibn Saud.

His 23-year reign was marked by unprecedented prosperity, but his close ties with the United States stirred the passions of Islamic militants.

Saudi police regularly clash with gunmen linked to the al Qaeda terrorist network, and a spate of attacks in the past two years have targeted Westerners who worked in the oil industry or helped train and equip the kingdom's armed forces.

It was Fahd's decision to allow U.S. forces to be based out of Saudi Arabia during the 1991 Gulf War against Iraq that outraged Islamic fundamentalists, among them al Qaeda founder Osama bin Laden, who criticized his homeland for allowing "infidels" to attack another Arab country from its soil.

Fifteen of the 19 suicide hijackers who carried out al Qaeda's September 11, 2001, attacks on New York and Washington were from Saudi Arabia, further straining ties.

Rihab Massoud, the Saudi charge d'affaires in Washington, acknowledged the "challenge" posed by the attacks in his remarks. But he said he expected Saudi relations with the United States "to continue and to grow" under Abdullah, who was a guest at President Bush's Crawford, Texas, ranch earlier this year.

"Saudi Arabia will not stand for an evil cult using the Islamic faith as an excuse for mass violence," Massoud said. "We stand shoulder to shoulder with all nations as strong allies."

See CNN for more on this story.

So what will this mean for world politics? I say not much is likely to change. Prince Abdullah has been the de facto fuler since King Fahd suffered a stroke in 1995.

What do you think?

lagleRock Out!

Posted by SlagleRock at 12:18 PM | Comments (0) | TrackBack

213 Things Not To Do In The U.S. Army

I got this one from a friend I was TDY with in Germany, thanks Brandon...

213 things you are *not* allowed do in the Army...

THE 213 THINGS SKIPPY IS NO LONGER ALLOWED TO DO IN THE U.S. ARMY

By SGT Shawn Stanford

Once upon a time, there was a SPC Schwarz stationed with the Army in the Balkans. SPC Schwarz was either very clever or very bored; but probably both, since he managed to attempt or be warned about 213 things he wasn't allowed to do. He collected those things into a hillarious list and posted them to the web. assembled into a giant battle-robot.

1. Not allowed to watch Southpark when I'm supposed to be working.
2. My proper military title is 'Specialist Schwarz' not 'Princess Anastasia.
3. Not allowed to threaten anyone with black magic.
4. Not allowed to challenge anyone's disbelief of black magic by asking for hair.
5. Not allowed to get silicone breast implants.
6. Not allowed to play 'Pulp Fiction' with a suction-cup dart pistol and any officer.
7. Not allowed to add 'In accordance with the prophesy' to the end of answers I give to a question an officer asks me.
8. Not allowed to add pictures of officers I don't like to War Criminal posters.
9. Not allowed to title any product 'Get Over it'.
10. Not allowed to purchase anyone's soul on Government time.
11. Not allowed to join the communist party.
12. Not allowed to join any militia.
13. Not allowed to form any militia.
14. Not allowed out of my office when the president visited Sarajevo.
15. Not allowed to train adopted stray dogs to 'Sic Brass!'
16. Must get a haircut even if it tampers with my 'Sampson like powers'.
17. God may not contradict any of my orders.
18. May no longer perform my now (in)famous 'Barbie Girl Dance' while on duty.
19. May not call any officers immoral, untrustworthy, lying, slime, even if I'm right.
20. Must not taunt the French any more.
21. Must attempt to not antagonize SAS.
22. Must never call an SAS a 'Wanker'.
23. Must never ask anyone who outranks me if they've been smoking crack.
24. Must not tell any officer that I am smarter than they are, especially if it's true.
25. Never confuse a Dutch soldier for a French one.
26. Never tell a German soldier that 'We kicked your ass in World War 2!'
27. Don't tell Princess Di jokes in front of the paras (British Airborne).
28. Don't take the batteries out of the other soldiers alarm clocks (Even if they do hit snooze about forty times).
29. The Irish MPs are not after 'Me frosted lucky charms'.
30. Not allowed to wake an Non-Commissioned Officer by repeatedly banging in the head with a bag of trash.
31. Not allowed to let sock puppets take responsibility for any of my actions.
32. Not allowed to let sock puppets take command of my post.
33. Not allowed to chew gum at formation, unless I brought enough for everybody.
34. (Next day) Not allowed to chew gum at formation even if I *did* bring enough for everybody.
35. Not allowed to sing 'High Speed Dirt' by Megadeth during airborne operations. ('See the earth below/Soon to make a crater/Blue sky, black death, I'm off to meet my maker')
36. Can't have flashbacks to wars I was not in. (The Spanish-American War isn't over).
37. Our medic is called 'Sgt Larwasa', not 'Dr. Feelgood'.
38. Our supply Sgt is 'Sgt Watkins' not 'Sugar Daddy'.
39. Not allowed to ask for the day off due to religious purposes, on the basis that the world is going to end, more than once.
40. I do not have super-powers.
41. 'Keep on Trucking' is *not* a psychological warfare message.
42. Not allowed to attempt to appeal to mankind's baser instincts in recruitment posters.
43. Camouflage body paint is not a uniform.
44. I am not the atheist chaplain.
45. I am not allowed to 'Go to Bragg boulevard and shake daddies little money maker for twenties stuffed into my undies'.
46. I am not authorized to fire officers.
47. I am not a citizen of Texas, and those other, forty-nine, lesser states.
48. I may not use public masturbation as a tool to demonstrate a flaw in a command decision.
49. Not allowed to trade military equipment for 'magic beans'.
50. Not allowed to sell magic beans during duty hours.
51. Not allowed to quote 'Dr Seuss' on military operations.
52. Not allowed to yell 'Take that Cobra' at the rifle range.
53. Not allowed to quote 'Full Metal Jacket ' at the rifle range.
54. 'Napalm sticks to kids' is *not* a motivational phrase.
55. An order to 'Put Kiwi on my boots' does *not* involve fruit.
56. An order to 'Make my Boots black and shiny' does not involve electrical tape.
57. The proper response to a lawful order is not 'Why?'
58. The following words and phrases may not be used in a cadence- Budding sexuality, necrophilia, I hate everyone in this formation and wish they were dead, sexual lubrication, black earth mother, all Marines are latent homosexuals, Tantric yoga, Gotterdammerung, Korean hooker, Eskimo Nell, we've all got jackboots now, slut puppy, or any references to squid.
59. May not make posters depicting the leadership failings of my chain of command.
60. ‘The Giant Space Ants' are not at the top of my chain of command.
61. If one soldier has a 2nd Lt bar on his uniform, and I have an E-4 on mine It means he outranks me. It does not mean ‘I have been promoted three more times than you'.
62. It is better to beg forgiveness than to ask permission, no longer applies to Specialist Schwarz.
63. Command decisions do *not* need to be ratified by a 2/3 majority.
64. Inflatable novelties do *not* entitle me to BAQ or Separation pay.
65. There are no evil clowns living under my bed.
66. There is no ‘Anti-Mime' campaign in Bosnia.
67. I am not the Psychological Warfare Mascot.
68. I may not line my helmet with tin foil to ‘Block out the space mind control lasers'.
69. May not pretend to be a facist stormtrooper, while on duty.
70. I am not authorized to prescribe any form of medication.
71. I must not flaunt my deviances in front of my chain of command.
72. May not wear gimp mask while on duty.
73. No military functions are to be performed ‘Skyclad'.
74. Woad is not camouflage makeup.
75. May not conduct psychological experiments on my chain of command.
76. "Teddy Bear, Teddy bear, turn around" is *not* a cadence.
77. The MP checkpoint is not an Imperial Stormtrooper roadblock, so I should not tell them "You don't need to see my identification, these are not the droids you are looking for."
78. I may not call block my chain of command.
79. I am neither the king nor queen of cheese.
80. Not allowed to wear a dress to any army functions.
81. May not bring a drag queen to the battalion formal dance.
82. May not form any press gangs.
83. Must not start any SITREP (Situation Report) with "I recently had an experience I just had to write you about...."
84. Must not use military vehicles to ‘Squish' things.
85. Not allowed to make any Psychological Warfare products depicting the infamous Ft. Bragg sniper incident.
86. May not challenge anyone in my chain of command to the ‘field of honor'.
87. If the thought of something makes me giggle for longer than 15 seconds, I am to assume that I am not allowed to do it.
88. Must not refer to 1st Sgt as ‘Mom'.
89. Must not refer to the Commander as ‘Dad'.
90. Inflatable sheep do *not* need to be displayed during a room inspection.
91. I am not authorized to initiate Jihad.
92. When asked to give a few words at a military ceremony ‘Romper Bomper Stomper Boo' is probably not appropriate.
93. Nerve gas is not funny.
94. Crucifixes do not ward off officers, and I should not test that.
95. I am not in need of a more suitable host body.
96. ‘Redneck Zombies' is not a military training aid.
97. Gozer does not dwell in my refrigerator.
98. The proper response to a chemical weapon attack is not ‘Tell my chain of command what I really think about them, and then poke holes in their masks.'
99. A smiley face is not used to mark a minefield.
100. Claymore mines are not filled with yummy candy, and it is wrong to tell new soldiers that they are.
101. I am not allowed to mount a bayonet on a crew-served weapon.
102. Rodents are not entitled to burial with full military honors, even if they are "casualties of war".
103. My commander is not old enough to have fought in the civil war, and I should stop implying that he did.
104. Vodka, green food coloring, and a ‘Cool Mint’ Listerine® bottle is not a good combination.
105. I am not allowed to bum cigarettes off of anyone under twelve.
106. I may not trade my rifle for any of the following: Cigarettes, booze, sexual favors, Kalishnikovs, Soviet Armored vehicles, small children, or bootleg CD’s.
107. Must not mock command decisions in front of the press.
108. Should not taunt members of the press, even if they are really fat, exceptionally stupid, and working for UPI.
109. I am not authorized to change national policy in Eastern Europe.
110. Never, ever, attempt to correct a Green Beret officer about anything.
111. I am not qualified to operate any US, German, Polish, or Russian Armored vehicles.
112. When saluting a ‘leg’ officer, an appropriate greeting is not "Airborne leads the wa- oh...sorry sir".
113. There is absolutely no need to emulate the people from ‘Full Monty’ every time I hear the song "Hot Stuff".
114. I cannot trade my CO to the Russians.
115. I should not speculate on the penis size of anyone who outranks me.
116. Crucifying mice - bad idea.
117. Must not use government equipment to bootleg pornography.
118. Burn pits for classified material are not revel fires - therefore it is wrong to dance naked around them.
119. I cannot arrest children for being rude.
120. An EO briefing is probably not the best place to unveil my newest off color joke.
121. I should not use government resources to ‘waterproof’ dirty magazines.
122. Radioactive material should not be stored in the barracks.
123. I should not teach other soldiers to say offensive and crude things in Albanian, under the guise of teaching them how to say potentially useful phrases.
124. Two drink limit does not mean first and last.
125. Two drink limit does not mean two kinds of drinks.
126. Two drink limit does not mean the drinks can be as large as I like.
127. ‘No Drinking Of Alcoholic Beverages’ does not imply that a Jack Daniel’s ® IV is acceptable.
128. "Shpadoinkle" is not a real word.
129. The Microsoft ® ‘Dancing Paperclip’ is not authorized to countermand any orders.
130. ‘I’m drunk’ is a bad answer to any question posed by my commander.
131. No dancing in the turret. This especially applies in conjunction with rule #113.
132. The loudspeaker system is not a forum to voice my ideas.
133. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to replace the radio.
134. The loudspeaker system is not to be used to broadcast the soundtrack to a porno movie.
135. An order to put polish on my boots means the whole boot.
136. Shouting ‘Let’s do the village! Let’s do the whole ****ing village!’ while out on a mission is bad.
137. Should not show up at the front gate wearing part of a Russian uniform, messily drunk.
138. Even if my commander did it.
139. Must not teach interpreters how to make "MRE" bombs.
140. I am not authorized to sell mineral rights.
141. Not allowed to use a broadsword to disprove ‘The Pen is Mightier than the sword’.
142. 'Calvin-Ball' is not authorized PT.
143. I do not need to keep a 'range card' by my window.
144. 'K-Pot, LBE, and a thin coat of Break-free' is not an authorized uniform.
145. I should not drink three quarts of blue food coloring before a urine test.
146. Nor should I drink three quarts of red food coloring, and scream during the same.
147. I should not threaten suicide with pop rocks and Coke ®.
148. Putting red 'Mike and Ike's' ® into a prescription medicine bottle, and then eating them all in a formation is not funny.
149. Must not create new DOD forms, then insist they be filled out.
150. On Sports Day PT, a wedgie is not considered a legal tackle.
151. The proper way to report to my Commander is 'Specialist Schwarz, reporting as ordered, Sir' not 'You can't prove a thing!'
152. The following items do not exist: Keys to the Drop Zone, A box of grid squares, blinker fluid, winter air for tires, canopy lights, or Chem-Light ® batteries.
153. I should not assign new privates to 'guard the flight line'.
154. Shouldn't treat 'piss-bottles' with extra-strength icy hot.
155. Teaching Albanian children to taunt other soldiers is not nice.
156. I will no longer perform 'lap-dances' while in uniform.
157. If I take the uniform off, in the course of the lap-dance, it still counts.
158. The revolution is not now.
159. When detained by MP's, I do not have a right to a strip search.
160. No part of the military uniform is edible.
161. Bodychecking General officers is not a good idea.
162. Past lives have absolutely no effect on the chain of command.
163. Take that hat off.
164. There is no such thing as a were-virgin.
165. I do not get 'that time of month'.
166. No, the pants are not optional.
167. Not allowed to operate a business out of the barracks.
168. Especially not a pornographic movie studio.
169. Not even if they *are* 'especially patriotic films'
170. Not allowed to 'defect' to OPFOR during training missions.
171. On training missions, try not to shoot down the General's helicopter.
172. 'A full magazine and some privacy' is not the way to help a potential suicide.
173. I am not allowed to create new levels of security clearance.
174. Furby ® is not allowed into classified areas. (I swear to the gods, I did not make that up, it's actually DOD policy).
175. We do not 'charge into battle, naked, like the Celts'.
176. Any device that can crawl across the table on medium, does not need to be brought into the office.
177. I am not to refer to a formation as 'the boxy rectangle thingie'.
178. I am not 'A lesbian trapped in a man's body'.
179. On Army documents, my race is not 'Other'.
180. Nor is it 'Secretariat, in the third'.
181. Pokémon® trainer is not an MOS.
182. There is no FM for 'wall-to-wall counseling'.
183. My chain of command has neither the time, nor the inclination to hear about what I did with six boxes of Fruit Roll-Ups. ®
184. When operating a military vehicle I may *not* attempt something 'I saw in a cartoon'.
185. My name is not a killing word.
186. I am not the Emperor of anything.
187. Must not taunt officers in the throes of nicotine withdrawal, with cigarettes.
188. May not challenge officers to 'Meet me on the field of honor, at dawn'.
189. Do not dare SERE graduates to eat bugs. They will always do it.
190. Must not make s'mores while on guard duty.
191. Our Humvees cannot be assembled into a giant battle-robot.
192. The proper response to a briefing is not 'That's what you think'.
193. The Masons, and Gray Aliens are not in our chain of command.
194. Shouldn't take incriminating photos of my chain of command.
195. Shouldn't use Photoshop ® to create incriminating photos of my chain of command.
196. I am not allowed to give tattoos.
197. I am not allowed to sing 'Henry the VIII I am' until verse 68 ever again.
198. Not allowed to lead a 'Coup' during training missions.
199. I should not confess to crimes that took place before I was born.
200. My chain of command is not interested in why I 'just happen' to have a kilt, an inflatable sheep, and a box of rubber bands in the back of my car.
201. Must not valiantly push officers onto hand grenades to save the squad.
202. Despite the confusing similarity in the names, the "Safety Dance" and the "Safety Briefing" are never to be combined.
203. 'To conquer the earth with an army of flying monkeys" is a bad long term goal to give the re-enlistment NCO.
204. NEVER nail a stuffed bunny to a cross and put it up in front of the Battalion Headquarters sign as an "Easter Desecration."
205. Don't write up false gigs on a HMMWV PMCS. ("Broken clutch pedal", "Number three turbine has frequent flame-outs", "flux capacitor emits loud whine when engaged")
206. Not allowed to get shot.
207. The Chicken and Rice MRE is *not* a personal lubricant. (Skippy wanted this noted for the record that this is not something he has ever attempted or considered! It was something we heard at dinner on 22 September 2001 and it was just so obscene it had to go here.)
208. Not allowed to play into the deluded fantasies of the civlians who are "hearing conversations" from the NSA, FBI, CIA and KGB due to the microchip the aliens implanted in their brain.
209. An airsickness bag is to be used for airsickness *only*. (Also not a Skippy-ism...this was the same dinner.)
210. Must not make T-shirts up depciting a pig with the writing "Eat Pork or Die" in Arabic to bring as civilian attire when preparing to deploy to a primarily Muslim country.
211. Don't ask LTC Steele to sign my copy of Blackhawk Down.
212. Must not go on nine deployments in six years that require a security clearance that I don't have, even if the Army tells me repeatedly that I have one and I have no reason to question them.
213. Do not convince NCO's that their razorbumps are the result of microscopic parasites.

lagleRock Out!

Posted by SlagleRock at 12:17 PM | Comments (6) | TrackBack