Re-Enter The Parking Garage (A Second Look At A Fan Favorite)

Things have been very busy lately. Once in a while life happens and sometimes it happens with a vengeance. Try as I might I haven't been able to sit down and write much lately, so I thought I'd re-run a fan favorite. Enjoy! -- SlagleRock

A few nights ago (This actually happened in July '04) two friends and I decided to do the tourist thing. We decided to go downtown, see the river walk and have some genuine Mexican food. So, we did just that. We parked in an underground parking garage near the mall on the river walk and strolled up and down memory lane. We BS'd about the first time we all got to go off base after basic training and how funny that was. The three of us had a great meal and a few beers at one of the tiny Mexican restaurants on the river. As our evening wound down we headed back to the car.

We got in the car and started to back out of the parking spot when all of a sudden a little white car slammed on the brakes directly behind us, preventing us from backing out. Immediately three males (teens to early twenties) jumped out of the car and ran up to the drivers side of my friends car.

As they were approaching, my buddy (we'll call him Bruce for this story, you'll see why in a minute LMAO) jumped out of the car, and I hopped out as well.

Initially the three individuals didn't even acknowledge Bruce. The littlest one of the bunch started calling us everything from "crackers" to "bitches." He immediately addressed my second friend (we'll call him Pappy) who remained in the back seat. Now being cops (at least the two of us who had nuts enough to get out of the car) we did what we are trained to do: we tried to diffuse the situation. In the mean time, I was slowly making my way around these three thugs unnoticed.

The little thug we'll call Stupid (and again you'll see why) leans down and looks at Pappy and says, "What did you say bitch?" Pappy says, "Dude what are you talking about?" Stupid says "You flipped me off and called me a fag when we drove by, Bitch!" Now in reality even if Pappy would have done something like this (which he did not) those thugs never would have been able to see him as Bruce's car windows are tinted jet black.

Bruce steps forward a little and says, "Hey, you guys take off, this dude didn't say anything to you, we were talking to each other in the car so I don't know what you think you saw."

So long story short, Stupid and Pappy continue to yell back and forth for several minutes.

Finally Stupid tells Pappy, "You are getting your ass beat bitch, either you can get out here and take a beat down or I am coming in there! Better yet, how much money you got bitch, maybe we'll just take all you bitches money." Oh and yes, chicken shit Pappy is still in his seat with his seatbelt on.

So Pappy says one last time, "Just go away I didn't say shit to you."

About that time Stupid made his move and started towards the car door. Bruce steps between them and says, "You aren't getting anywhere near my fucking car or my friend"

Now unbeknownst to me as well as these three thugs, old Bruce is a Black Belt in three different martial arts. As Stupid is moving in, Bruce jumps straight up in the air and snap kicks this little thug under the chin so hard his head flips back like a Pez dispenser.

As soon as it all started I made my move. I grabbed the biggest of the three from behind in a standard choke hold. Once I had better control, I turned him around and adjusted my hold so that I was crushing his windpipe. Immediately after I grabbed the big Mongo looking fucker, the third thug started toward me. Mongo started gurgling get back, "Get back! This dude is going to break my neck." So turns out they had a chicken shit in their group too, or at least they do for now. The third punk stepped back towards their car and watched as Bruce proceeded to beat the ever living shit out of his mouthy little friend, Stupid.

I held the big guy in a death grip so he couldn't move. Every time he attempted to free himself I proceeded to tenderize his ribs with several ferocious punches.

While we were standing there my friend Bruce looked like a hurricane of arms and legs, he was spinning and kicking/punching this little thug all over the place. At one point I think he even helped him up so he could spin kick him again.

After what seemed like hours of scuffling, Mongo dropped like a lead weight, and I thought I had killed him. When Mongo dropped, the third guy must have got his second wind. He started at me like a bull. Without hesitation I kicked him in the balls so hard he could have worn his manhood as earrings. As he started to double over, I knuckle punched him in the throat. He hit the ground next to Mongo like a ton of bricks.

After a second or two, thug #3 gets back up and starts running towards the car. To my relief Mongo came to (he just passed out) and ran to the car as well. They drove off and left their mouthy little friend to the wolves.

Now we clearly have the upper hand so I go over and pull Bruce off of Stupid. This little thug looked like Rocky after his fight with Apollo Creed. This kid's face looked like 20 lbs. of ground beef. He was barely conscious. About the time I pull Bruce off a cop rolled up. He immediately cuffed the little thug. We thought it odd that he didn't cuff us, but it turns out that someone had called the cops and told them we were getting car jacked. On his way up to our level he could also see a little of what was going on as he looked diagonally through the garage.

Three hours later, several statements and hospitalization for all three of the "hard asses" we were let go. No bail, no notifications to the base (thank god) and no arrests for the three of us.

It turned out that this had happened several times in the past few weeks to people who were parked in that same area (blind spot to the security cameras). These thugs were deliberately targeting people with out of state plates, starting a fight and then stealing whatever they could.

In the process of giving our statements, the cops asked Pappy where he was during all of this. He said, "I just froze, I don't know why, but I froze."

The cop responded with, "It was a good thing you hang out with Bruce Lee and Hulk Hogan or this could have been very bad for you."

Pappy actually caught a lot of shit from the cops for leaving us hanging, but in hind sight it was funny as hell. Those three thought they were going to get paid. Instead they got hospitalized and arrested. The big guy had a sprained neck and broken ribs. The little guy had a broken nose and lost a couple of teeth, and their friend knows exactly what his testicles taste like.

Moral of the story, you never know what you might get into, and starting a fight with complete strangers can clearly come back to bite you in the ass.

That's one for the good guys.

lagleRock Out!

Posted by SlagleRock at June 11, 2005 10:55 PM